I Was Tired of Trying to Make My Life Work

For six years, I kept trying to build a life that felt good to live. I changed my approach, worked harder, tried again and kept hoping that eventually, things would fall into place. What I didn't realise was that I could spend my entire life trying to become better without ever learning how to be present in my own life.

There was a time when I genuinely wondered whether life was ever going to work out for me.
I had dreams, ambitions and plans for the woman I wanted to become. But for years, it felt like I was constantly starting over. I would begin something with so much hope, struggle to bring it to completion, then convince myself that perhaps I needed to work harder or try a different approach.

I kept searching for the thing I needed to change to finally make everything work. It wasn't just my ambitions. My relationships were difficult, too.
I wanted friendships where I felt cared for in the same way I cared for others. I wanted to feel loved, to have a partner who would choose me and someone with whom I could build a life and grow. I wanted to experience what it felt like to be cared for without always being the one making the effort.

Then I became a mother. I had longed for motherhood, but pregnancy and postpartum were far more difficult than I had imagined. I struggled with anxiety and depression, and there were days when I found myself in tears, wondering why life felt so hard when I was trying so hard.

I began to feel like life was dealing me all the wrong cards. Eventually, I grew tired of trying to find what I felt was missing. I stopped searching so hard for mutual friendships. I stopped waiting to feel loved and cared for. I didn't have all the answers. I was simply exhausted from hoping that the next thing would finally make everything better. And somewhere in that season, I began writing a book.